Just fell off a train. Bad.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
