My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
