I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
