I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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