The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
