so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
