I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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