i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
