I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
