i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
