I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I could fuck to npr.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
