I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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