Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
