The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
