You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I am midnight drunk by noon
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
