Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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