What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
