i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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