I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
if i died would you start the facebook group?
time to smoke my breakfast
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I need to align my fucking chakras
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
