officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
