bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
