it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
