How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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