Your dad touched me again.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
