I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
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