Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
