i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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