I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
