First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
