We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
