He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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