so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
