i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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