Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
