So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she told me i tasted like america
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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