I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
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