I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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