ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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