im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
