After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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