just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
