was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
