Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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