Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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