The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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