Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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