I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
