btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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