Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
