Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
