OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
