Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She said her name was "party"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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