i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
