i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
