by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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