dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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