Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
