i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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