The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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