Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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